Journey to Forgiveness

On forgiveness, and why it's unimaginably difficult to forgive yourself...of all people.

When no one is left to blame but you, it feels justified to remain angry with yourself.

In the months of my solo existence after having known great love, it feels as though my cereal is lacking milk, my eggs without salt, sleep without dreams and living is just existing.

I feel like I'm living in one of those movies scenes where you watch the main character's quiet, isolated life turn into a sequence of sad meals and nights on the couch having never gone to bed. At least I still cry. My heart still feels. I'm not dead yet.

I feel the guilt and inner critic criticize my every move. No peace in my mind.

If only I would have..... no. Don't do that. Whats done is done; an awful yet freeing phrase. Good or bad, it's in the past and we must move forward no matter the circumstances.

So why is the forgiveness part so impossible to comprehend.

Where do I even start?

How do I mean it?

Even as I write this, I can hear that mean ole voice, putting me down and keeping me the monster in my own story. My mind can play the tapes back so clearly, zooming in on my worst parts.

I think I will start my journey to forgiveness with compassion. While I may not be ready for the whole thing, I could stand to show myself some compassion. Life hasn't been easy as of late, and you're doing the best you can.

Reader,

There is a very good chance you could use some compassion yourself right now. So, lets try giving ourselves some, or if you need some, I've extra for you.